When “Saying Yes” is Not the Answer
“Saying yes” has become all the rage in the self-help industry over the past few years. Everywhere I look, I see phrases like “I said yes to everything for an entire year!” and “if it’s not a hell yes, it’s a hell no!” While I understand the sentiment, as someone who loves the word yes (it’s in the name of my business for poop’s sake), I also hate oversimplifications. Honestly - saying yes to everything for an entire year sounds like an exhausting nightmare, and sometimes a choice feels like a resounding “hell meh,” but I want to pay my rent. So yes, the You, Yes! gal is telling you it’s okay to say no sometimes. In fact, saying no can be just as powerful and important as saying yes, depending on the intention behind it.
Just like everything else, the concept of “saying yes” in improv (and business) is nuanced. Nothing is ever a blanket statement (even this blanket statement), and we shouldn’t say yes to everything. What if, to quote everyone’s Baby Boomer parents, someone asked you to jump off a bridge? Would you say yes? Obviously not. I mean, unless you’re Spiderman - in which case, grab Zendaya and enjoy the flight. Otherwise, you need to find some balance.
At its core, the rule of “saying yes” exists to get people to push past their fears, trust their underlying instincts, and get comfortable with uncertainty. It’s not because saying yes to everything automatically creates greatness. In fact, experienced improvisers and business women say the word “no” all the time. We just know when and how to do it. If you’re struggling to push past your own fears and aren’t sure when to say yes and when to say no, here’s a quick guide on when to use which word:
WHEN TO SAY YES:
When it moves you forward towards a goal, but pushes you out of your comfort zone
When something sounds fun or exciting, but you’re scared
When something aligns with your values, but feels difficult
When you want to do something, but don’t know how
When you know it’s the right thing to do, but it’s hard
WHEN TO SAY NO:
When something is dangerous or unhealthy, but others are doing it
When something is physically or emotionally hurtful, but has a short-term reward
When something is in bad taste or at the expense of others, but gives you the spotlight
When your gut tells you it’s wrong
Your default should be to say yes and be supportive of yourself and others, and to take chances to see where they lead. BUT, if you’re unsure or your Spidey-sense is tingling, check in with yourself and ask:
Is it dangerous, unhealthy, hurtful, or in bad taste?
Is my gut warning me that this is a bad idea?
If so, uphold your boundaries and Nancy Reagan that shit. Just say no.